Love on its own is simple but once you combine the feelings and preferences of two autonomous human beings things get complicated. I’ve listed four reasons why relationships get confusing along with solutions to help you have better relationships.
1) As individuals we possess a unique set of beliefs. Most of the time our beliefs develop into life habits that we don’t even notice; for example, you may repeatedly start relationships with people who aren’t right for you because of an unconscious belief that you don’t deserve someone that treats you well. Or you may consistently push yourself to do more at work because you never feel like you’re doing enough. Unconsciously you may feel that you’re good enough. Your unconscious beliefs affect the way you feel about others and yourself. Your emotional connections may be crippled due to these unconscious beliefs.
Solution: To free yourself from the constraints of your unconscious beliefs you need to come face-to-face with them. How? With honest self-examination. You may want to enlist the aid of a therapist or coach to see things that you are blinded to in yourself and to write them down. Once you become aware of them, you can then choose to think differently about yourself and others and connect to love more easily.
2) We don’t really understand what we want and need and what’s okay to expect from a relationship so we try to be who we think the other person wants us to be rather than just being ourselves.
Solution: Remember, ambiguity creates anxiety. When we’re not clear about who we are and what we want we can become distressed and perplexed about entering a new relationship. We have to be clear about our life vision, our values and our needs before we can find the right life partner. Too often, we morph into the kind of person we think our partner wants us to be and assume that who we are isn’t acceptable. Before your start a new relationship, make sure you really know what you want and who you are!
3) Media can be informative, however the way love and relationships are depicted is largely naive and unrealistic because it’s often-times based on the idea of chemistry. We’ve been conditioned to think that chemistry equals love and that if we feel chemistry with someone, it means that he or she is a good match for us.
Solution: Realize that chemistry doesn’t ensure an enduring relationship. Relationships take work! In truth, millions of couples try everyday to let their love persevere against the weight of the world. There are no short-cuts to creating an enduring bond. Lasting relationships are the result of being kind to one another each day and working hard to keep it that way.
4) Communication is the building block of a relationship and poor communication can tear apart relationships needlessly! Communication means more than just talking; successful partners practice skills like listening for understanding and navigating lovingly through conflict. Healthy relationships are not conflict-free. In fact, conflict can actually ultimately help you create greater emotional intimacy. When you and your partner are committed to communicating in a loving way you’ll create a bonding force that keeps the relationship healthy.
Solution: When in conversation ask yourself, “Am I listening to understand the other person or am I listening to give my personal reaction to the situation?” Rather than reacting, take the time to understand what was said so you can reach an agreeable solution. Most of the time an agreement can be reached as long when each of you feel heard and understood.
Conclusion: Love is simple but relationships can be complex! If you’d like to find out more about how to build a great relationship with someone that’s right for you contact me at 512-922-4822 or Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org!