To My True Love,
You want to give me the stars
But I haven’t figured out how they shine.
You want to give me the moon
But I am not able to let go of my old world.
You want to give me love
But I don’t know how to receive something…
I never gave to myself!
~Signed, Searching for Self-Love
Self-Love: The Stuff Healthy Relationships Are Made Of
CSI is one of the most popular forensic crime TV drama franchises that have existed in entertainment. Each week the team gathers around a crime scene. Breadcrumbs of evidence leave a trail of clues that help them discover not only the identity of the suspect, but also his or her motives. What was his mindset? What drove her to commit a crime?
Every piece of evidence connects to each other to transform the mystery into a composite picture of the killer. The suspect’s back story is always one that is gripping, sometimes evoking a little empathy for him or her. There may have been a childhood trauma or an inciting incident that sets him or her off.
Whatever the case may be, the audience learns the anatomy of a crime.
Each of us has a back story. No, we have not committed any crimes that have broken the criminal or civil laws of the land. But we have committed a crime towards ourselves. We have denied ourselves the gift of self-love.
If we reflect on our past relationships, we will see bits and pieces of evidence that reveal how the absence of self-love in ourselves or our partners led to the demise of that bond. Let’s think about this statement for a moment.
A woman’s childhood began in a toxic, dysfunctional home where her parents argued all of the time. She even witnessed her father shoving her into the wall, withholding love when he was angry and exhibiting control through money. Her mom never left, always cowering in the bathroom, crying and chain-smoking cigarettes. Her father treated her the same way. Now in every relationship, this woman believes that every man is her father. She expects anger to erupt, so she beats her partner to the punch.
Her words are like daggers and her relationships are fleeting. She never learned how to love herself. To be honest, no one in her family had self-love. It reflected in the way they interacted with themselves and each other.
Healthy relationships thrive on self-love. Self-love is the ability to nurture yourself and know how you want to be loved so that your actions, words, and thoughts generate positive energy, peace and love with everyone you meet.If a situation makes you feel like you are less of a person or it diminishes a piece of your existence, then you remove yourself in the most peaceful way because you love yourself too much to remain in it.
Self-love is at the core of healthy, loving relationships. With self-love, each person is interdependent on each other. One person is not expected to give all of the love that the other person needs. Each partner has love inside of him or her, and it is sufficient enough. When two people have self-love, their bond grows and creates a space where overflow can occur.
Self-love is the stuff that healthy, loving and long-lasting relationships are made of.
Spiritual Principle: Abundance
Abundance is in a nutshell: an overflow. What often comes to mind is an excess in money, resources or material things. When we think of abundance as a spiritual principle, we define it in a more intangible way. Abundance is “an exceeding measure, something above the ordinary.”
It can be love, peace, joy, grace, favor, positive energy, etc. In order to receive something that is above the ordinary, you have to sow. If you want a healthy relationship where love abounds, then you must have self-love. How can you develop self-love?
Self-Love in Action: Becoming Your Own Best Friend
How many of you set aside time for yourselves? How many of you have dated yourself? And how many of you accept yourself and your feelings as being O.K. just the way they are?
Society has made it taboo to be alone. In some ways, it is like people demote you to second class citizen status when you are by yourself. But think about it. How do you fall in love with someone? You spend time with him. You get to know her desires. You find out what makes him tick.
In order to love yourself, you have to get to know yourself as intimately as possible. I had a friend that was going through serious midlife changes. Her world, as she knew it, was crashing around her. She started going to the beach every day. The woman would roll up her jeans, take off her shoes, stand in the middle of the ocean as far out as she could go with the shore still under her feet, wrap her arms around herself in a tight hug and lift her face toward the sun. In her mind, the sun and other elements were healing her. Afterwards, she would take a sketch pad and draw out her emotions, her dreams, who she was and who she wanted to become. She began a journey of self-discovery and self-love.
Who are you? Who do you want to become? What kinds of activities can you do to help you reconnect with yourself? You may not be able to take your shoes off and step into the ocean, but you are able to meditate, to journal, paint, enjoy a movie on your own and begin to talk to yourself in the most loving way you can. No more criticism, instead, celebration for who you are! Set aside some time for yourself and begin your own journey today!