Successful relationships involve the qualities of attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. These “five A’s” meet us in different guises throughout life’s journey. During childhood we need these five A’s to develop self-esteem and a healthy ego. They are building blocks of human identity, necessary for a coherent personality.
The human experience has a striking and reliable harmony which is this -what we need for the building of a successful self is also precisely what we need for happiness in our adult love relationships.
Intimacy at its best means giving and receiving the five A’s. These five elements of love also describe our duty of service to the world as spiritual beings. Great spiritual exemplars such as Jesus or Buddha are seen as beings who offer this five-fold love to us.
The five A’s are necessary for the creation of loving relationships. You can think of these as pillars or building blocks of any truly meaningful relationship.
Attention to the present moment
Take a deep breath and become aware of your body as it is in this moment. Observe your surroundings, listen to your mind and notice all the feelings at play in your life right now. Whenever you feel confused, upset or overwhelmed by life sitting still and connecting to the present moment will help you calm down and assess the situation with your ‘right’ mind.
Acceptance of yourself and others just as they are
Learn to accept your feelings even when they are uncomfortable. Instead of denying or ignoring troublesome feelings you can identify what exactly about the situation makes you uncomfortable. Don’t judge feelings because they are a part of your daily life. You can learn to accept our feelings as we would our best friends.
Appreciation of your gifts, longings and limits
When you appreciate yourself – both your human and your spirit, you will appreciate others too.
Affection shown through holding and touching others in respectful ways
Physical affection is a commonly enjoyed element of intimacy, however you must be conscious of your own comfort levels and those of your date or mate. Everyone has different boundaries, be mindful of your own and others’.
Allowing life’s natural rhythm to unfold.
Sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down. Allow this natural rhythm to occur and refrain from trying to take control.
When you deeply understand and apply the five A’s you will find that you’re happier and your relationships are more loving. These simple concepts can help you move away from judgment, fear and blame to a position of openness, compassion and realism about life. By giving and receiving these five A’s, relationships become a deeper, more meaningful ground for personal transformation.
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