Because we live in an era of self-criticism. We constantly strive to improve ourselves. We’re more comfortable being critical about ourselves rather than praising ourselves. So it follows that criticism seeps into our view of others.
What makes a relationship happy and long-lasting? In a word, acceptance. In happy relationships each partner accepts and honors the others’ uniqueness rather than criticizing or judging their partner. The happiest couples creatively embrace the differences between them.
So why is it difficult for us to accept differences?
The truth is, it’s not the difference between you and your partner that’s the problem; it’s how you handle differences. The cause of disagreements has little to do with content. People argue because they feel unheard, disrespected, and not acknowledged by their partner. They feel alone. The criticism we throw at our partners comes from the way the way we treat ourselves and our striving to be perfect. Perfection has entered the individual psyche as well as the couples’ psyche. I know this first-hand. I tried to change my partner for years until I realized that I could be happy with him exactly the way he is!
Start the habit today of realizing your own wonderful rather than whatever you consider your short-comings. Celebrate yourself and acknowledge what you love about yourself. Focus on what’s working in your life rather than what isn’t. When you can do this, you’ll find it much easier to appreciate someone else.