Lots of singles jump into a relationship quickly and have sex before they’ve really gotten to know someone on a deep emotional level. Moving too quickly often sabotages a new relationship. If you’ve started a relationship quickly and need to “back up” so that you can continue laying a good foundation for a happy, healthy, and committed relationship, this article will help…
So you’ve advanced more quickly with your partner in the physical realm than you would have preferred, now where do you go from here?
For starters, if you’re feeling like you made a mistake by not waiting longer for physical intimacy, it’s okay, most people find out too late that moving quickly doesn’t work.
- Regardless of the choices that led you and your partner to “jump the gun” on sex, show yourselves forgiveness. You are only human and sometimes the pull of chemistry is so powerful that it can override your everything.
- Many people get caught up on the view that their decision for early sex is a massive mistake marking the beginning of their relationship. Instead of facilitating this negative dialogue about your new arrangement appreciate the valuable lesson you learned about honoring your connection with your partner.
Proceed by building emotional intimacy.
- Now that you’ve established your physical preference for one another, work on exercising your emotional connection as well.
- During a normal day with your partner, ask yourself: do I know how my partner is feeling at the moment, even if they haven’t told me? If the answer is no, ask them how they’re feeling and try to understand why they feel that way.
- Be it happy, sad, anxious or excited, you should know the actions and activities that make your partner feel that way. Knowledge of what makes your partner “tick” is key in building your emotional intimacy. If you know the types of behaviors that are hot buttons for your partner, you can know how to stay away from them. Conversely, if you know what makes your partner happy, you can use that to your advantage as well.
Focus on doing activities together.
- While exploring with a partner in your new relationship, it’s ideal to see them in a variety of different settings. You’ve already begun to establish their bedroom preferences, now try to build your knowledge of how they feel in other situations.
- What areas of interest do you have in common? Do they like movies, sports or outdoor activities? Perhaps you could try something new together. Getting to know your partner intimately is a process that happens over time. Deeper emotional connections are often the result of having a variety of experiences together.
Moving forward, take it one day at a time.
- While you did cross the boundary of physical intimacy quicker than you may have preferred, make an effort to separate your relationship from the notion that there’s a “right time” for you to accomplish something. Instead of recognizing that each couple is unique—facing individual challenges, exhibiting unprecedented strengths and dealing with their own situational circumstances—this idea of a “right time” implies the sharing of a common experience for all couples.
- Refrain from fixating on getting to “relationship benchmarks”, as these are not universal measures of your relationship quality. For example, “we’ll be happy once we’ve been exclusive for six months” or “once we meet each other’s parents, I’ll know our relationship will last.”
- Instead, focus on being happy with your partner every day in this unpredictable life. Wake up in the morning with gratitude for their presence in your life, fall asleep each night hoping you get to share another day with them tomorrow. If you can be happy with someone every day, every day might turn into forever before you know it. That’s how people who’ve been married to their best friends for eighty years can say it feels like they fell in love yesterday.
Conclusion: Societal norms make it difficult to start relationships slowly. It takes practice and a plan. If you meed help slowing down a relationship or getting clarity on whether a relationship is right for you? I can help you individually or as a couple! I’m always available for a free 15-minute, no-obligation phone session. OR send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org. Call/Text 512-922-4822 or 1+512.394.8768