“We connect as one in this kindred space
Our fingers locked, our hearts linked, ready to face
the world and its weight.
But in order for our journey to avoid an unwanted fate,
we must love ourselves as much as we love each other as mates.”
~ Signed,Whole & Worthy of Love
True Love Survives When Self-Love is Inside
Sometimes you may feel alone or isolated and think that everyone else is happier than you are or knows how to live life better than you do. We all have these thoughts. Understand that they are part of an internal “tape” playing in your head and you don’t have to believe that tape or let it influence your behavior or your feelings anymore.
This tape was created from beliefs you formed in childhood based on the dynamics of your family system. If you didn’t receive the nurturing, love, and guidance a child needs, you probably have formed negative beliefs about your self-worth and your lovable-ness.
Believing the tape keeps you stuck in the struggle of unhappiness. It’ll tell you that there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re unlovable, or that you need “fixing.”The truth is that you don’t need anything outside yourself in order to feel happy – no person, place or thing is going to “fix” you.
Happiness comes from the inside.
So let me ask you…how happy are you with your life today?
Do you feel like you can’t really be happy until you reach greater financial, social, physical or relationship success? Do you give yourself credit for just being you as you are right now, without having to do anything like lose weight, get a better job, or a find the “perfect” life partner?
I discovered that I can be as happy as I want to be when I accept myself as I am, and even go a step further and applaud who I am!
I’ll confess that I criticized myself for years because of things like my weight, my salary, and my selection of men. (I started reading self-improvement books when I was 12 years old!) But now I know that nothing out there can bring me true happiness. True happiness is found in the core of my being. All I have to do is become aware of it and accept myself.
You can be happy right now, regardless of your external circumstances. In fact, the happier you are with YOU right now, the easier it is to attract a loving life partner. Why? Because you’ll be exuding the energy of love rather than lack. Make sense? (It worked for me!)
Spiritual Principle: Self-Love
Self-love is basically loving your whole self, your insecurities, your flaws, your assets, and your personality and realizing that they make you imperfectly and uniquely human.
People often talk about finding their other half or having a person “complete” them. In a happy, healthy relationship, you and your partner must already be whole so that you complement , not complete each other.
Self-love is realizing that you are loveable, independent, and whole. If your partner decides to leave, you are only losing someone who didn’t want to invest in your relationship anymore. Your self-love remains intact, reminding you that you are still an asset and you treasure the time together, but it does not alter how you feel or think about yourself.
Self-love is a spiritual awareness of the light inside of you, and just because a match fizzles out, it doesn’t mean another spark can’t be started!
Love in Action
You ARE lovable just by virtue of being you.
Allow yourself to really feel that love – you can get in touch with that
feeling by focusing on your heart (heart chakra).
The key to freedom from the “tape” is this: make a decision to detach from negative thoughts that tell you things like:
“I should be ____________.”
“I’ll be happy when ______________.”
“There’s something wrong with me.”
Today, just notice those thoughts. You can’t stop them, but you can see that they are only thoughts and they have no power unless you give them power by believing them.
When you hear these thoughts, you can create a positive response to counteract them.
“I should be more successful than I am right now.” Positive thought: I’m one step closer to where I want to be.
“I’ll be happy when I find my future spouse.” Positive thought: My future spouse will come when it is time for our paths to align.
“There’s something wrong with me.” Positive thought: I am a beautiful reflection of the goodness inside of me.
Take this exercise one step further. Write down the negative “tape” you have heard during your childhood and replace it with a positive thought.
You are the dumbest person in this class. Positive thought: I am a smart person who has accomplished ________________ in my life.
Replace every negative thought with a positive one. Shift your thinking!
Remember: This tape is not the “real” you. You are a spiritual being created by Love, which means you are innately loved and lovable!